Vampires in uniform

If a vampire were to choose a profession, what should it be? Fiction has offered many options: vampires adopt the roles of skilled artists, nightclub owners, and medical doctors. Only one of these professions has viable roots.

Vampires in colonial Africa were nearly indistinguishable from witches. And, the witch could be a revered medium or a "cannibal who consumes the life-force of victims". It often occurs that "accusations of witchcraft arise from incidents of sickness and death" (Stewart 81).

In colonial Africa, "rumors tended to fix on allegations that the European colonists used indigenous minions to collect blood from Africans, which they then consumed to augment their own life-force. Europeans in this image were therefore seen as similar to vampires. The clusters of rumors that formed around this theme fall under the category of urban legends. A central feature in these legends is that firemen in Nairobi, who traveled in red trucks, were ordered by their superiors to catch victims and bring them to fire stations where they were suspended over pits and drained of their blood." This practice created "the terrifying image of draining blood from people as if they were carcasses of meat" (Stewart 81).

Researchers suggest that these rumors originated from a linguistic confusion. The term for 'fireman' existed in Swahili before the institution of the fire brigades. Bestowed upon the health department personnel "in charge of yellow fever control", the term wazimamoto carried with it a "connotation of blood-extractor or vampire". According to researcher Luise White, these rumors serve as a "fairly obvious metaphor for state-sponsored extraction" (White 18). In this way, it is easy to see how vampires became associated with European immigrants and health professionals. "The image of the vampire...straddles the connection between medicine and violence and between indigenous ideas of the supernatural and introduced kinds of scientific technology such as dealing with public health and hospital procedures of taking blood donations" (Stewart 81).

"Vampire rumors purported to unmask the true malevolent intent behind colonial public services" (Stewart 81). It should be mentioned that the term 'vampire' was used loosely, and that neither "Europeans nor their supposed minions were thought directly to suck blood or other bodily fluids, hence the emphasis on the professionalized image of the wazimamoto, as vampires in uniform" (Stewart 81).

What career should a vampire choose? It's a question that even after all these years I cannot answer for myself. If I were to mold myself into a folkloric vampire, I would be forced to walk in the fictive footsteps of Stephenie Meyer's Doctor Cullen. But, we all know that's not going to happen. So, I am left torn between two positions: that of an elf in Santa's workshop (he's a vampire, you know) and that of a totalitarian dictator. Which is more discrete?

Baasi,
Ana

Sources
Stewart, Pamela. Et al. Witchery, Sorcery, Rumors and Gossip.
White, Luise. Rumor and History in Colonial Africa.

Mistaken Identity

But first, on earth as vampire sent,
Thy corpse shall from its tomb be rent:
Then ghastly haunt thy native place,
And suck the blood of all thy race... (Byron)

"Eight decades before anyone had heard of Dracula, the vampire Lord Ruthven" was unleashed "the world in the first vampire short story, 'The Vampyre,' published in 1819." Initially attributed to Lord Byron, 'The Vampyre' "was an immediate popular success" (Polidori vii). The true author, John Polidori had "accompanied Byron on a continental journey" and modeled his story after that sojourn. Lord Byron became Lord Ruthven, "a mysterious stranger who entered London society" and was eventually revealed to be a vampire.

Described as "the first story successfully to fuse the disparate elements of vampirism into a coherent literary genre", 'The Vampyre' "took the crude entity of European folklore and transformed it into a complex and interesting character, the first vampire in English fiction" (Frayling, Melton 589). The story "exploited the gothic horror predilections of the public" and helped establish a literary fascination that would last centuries (Polidori vii).

In 'The Vampyre', the creature exploded from the folkloric mold. "No longer was the vampire simply a mindless demonic force unleashed on humankind, but a real person--albeit a resurrected one--capable of moving unnoticed in human society and picking and choosing victims. He was not an impersonal evil entity, but a moral degenerate dominated by evil motives, and a subject about whom negative moral judgments were proper" (Melton 589).

In his story, Polidori transforms Lord Byron, the poet, into Lord Ruthven, the vampire, and he transposes the vampiric being from the scapegoat for natural and moral ills to the embodiment of evil. In this case of Polidori's tale, who is the victim of the greatest misidentification? Is it Polidori himself, whose initial glory was usurped by the name of Byron? Is it the romantic poet who was equated with a devilish creature? Or, is it the vampire who was forever transformed into Evil incarnate?

So long,
Ana

Sources:
Byron, George Gordon. "The Giaour."
Frayling, Christopher. Vampyres: Lord Byron to Count Dracula.
Melton, J Gordon. The Vampire Book.
Polidori, John. 'The Vampyre'.

How many vampires does it take?

Warning: this article includes vampire jokes that have been adapted from Polish jokes. Don't be offended; at least no one sparkles.

How do you get a one-armed vampire out of a tree?
--Wave to him.



"The Polish vampire is a variety of the Slavic vampire," but due to the power of Roman Catholicism in Poland, "many of the beliefs about death and burial that pervaded the mythology of the southern Slavs were absent from Polish folklore".

In Poland, the "future vampire was destined to its fate from birth. Infants born with a membrane cap (caul) on their heads would become a vjesci and those born with two teeth would become a upier/upierzyca". The "vampiric career of the future vjesci could be diverted by removing the cap, drying it, grinding it into a powder (or burning it), and feeding it (or its ashes) to the child when he or she was seven years old". If that process did not scar the child emotionally, the barrage of jokes that followed might.

"Those destined to become vampires led otherwise normal lives," all things considered, "but they were noted to have a hyperactive personality and a red face." The saying "as red as a vampire" was used to describe those whose faces flushed with anger or embarrassment during life.

The vampire accepted his destiny at "the critical period, the time of...death" when "the future vampire would refuse final rites." The body of an individual "suspected of becoming a vampire had to be watched carefully, for it was believed that the person did not truly die." It was believed that "the body cooled very slowly, retained its color, and did not stiffen. Spots of blood often appeared around the face and/or fingernails."

After midnight, the vampire "awakened and began to eat its own clothes and flesh." Then, the vampire would visit relatives and consume their blood. Finally, it would enter "the local church and ring the church bell. Those who heard the bell were destined to be the vampire's next victims."

In Poland, a vampire could be prevented from rising by the presence of a crucifix or coin in the mouth, and a block under the chin. These foreign objects prevented the vampire from eating himself. Furthermore, sand or seeds could be added to the coffin. The belief that a vampire must count all the seeds or sand grains before continuing is echoed in this practice. Nary a vampire could succeed alone in this task, for only a genius knows the number that follows ten.

Should the vampire be exceptionally gifted, the community would dispose of him immediately. The tomb was opened and the body was laid to a final rest. Since the heart could be difficult to find, the slayer drove a nail through the forehead of the vampire. Alternatively, the corpse was decapitated, "after which the severed head was placed between the corpse's feet. At the time the head was severed, blood from the wound would be given to any who had fallen ill as a result of the vampire's attack. The blood caused their recovery", unless the individual had died of some infectious disease, in which case...well...oops.

Na razie & przepraszam,
Ana

Source:
Melton, J Gordon. The Vampire Book: The encyclopedia of the undead.

Breast implants

I was asked a ridiculous question the other day. Can vampires get breast implants?

Photo source

To be honest, I have absolutely no idea. I imagine that the answer to the question is yes, but let's examine the circumstances closer. If our vampire pal was sculpted from Anne Rice's imagination, the feat of enhancing one's breasts would be impossible due to the unnatural ability to heal from all natural wounds. In Blood and Gold, Mael looses his head (literally), but regains it by supernatural graft. "The gush of blood was appalling, and I could swear that I heard the ripping of preternatural flesh...[the helper] laid the head down in the gushing blood, pushing it ever closer to the gaping neck, until suddenly the head seemed to move of its own volition, the ligaments once more like so many little snakes as the made to meet with those of the trunk, and the whole body gave another lurch and the head was firmly fixed as it should have been" (101). Rice attributes this dramatic healing process to all changes of vampiric body after death, including those that are purely cosmetic. Who can forget the scene in the film version of Interview with a Vampire in which young Claudia discovers that her hair will quickly regrow to its former length, despite lopping it off in the preceding scene? In Rice's vampiric world, breast implants may simply ooze from the animated corpse as it heals itself to its former figure.

But, we don't exist within Anne Rice's imagination, and there are other sources of vampire fiction. In Varney the Vampire, magical properties of moonbeams heal the undead creature, and without his lunar salve the vampire will remain injured. According to the author, the European vampire is a "being which can be killed, but is restored to life again by the rays of a full moon falling on the body...and that the hideous repast of blood has to be taken very frequently, and that if the vampire gets it not he wastes away, presenting the appearance of one in the last stage of consumption, and visibly, so to speak, dying" (71).

To my knowledge, I've never expounded on the notion of vampiric, rapid healing or need to feed. Why should I bother to explain such things? But, in this discussion, I find it necessary to review. The general belief is that vampires heal more quickly than humans. Some believe in the magical restoration of the corpse to the initially undead form, while others believe in a more natural, but still supernaturally quick, restorative process.

In stories in which vampires exhibit a rather natural healing process, foreign objects enter the vampiric body and are then expelled. Humans have a similar healing process when it comes to foreign objects, albeit it happens much slower and on a smaller scale than the expulsion in vampire movies. In humans, a foreign object (think of a splinter) in the flesh may be removed by the shedding of dead skin, the rejection of the foreign object by the body, or by the body's response to an issuant infection. However, when a human receives breast implants, the body reacts by producing a particular variety of cells that encapsulate the implant in order to protect the body from the foreign object. The "persistent presence of a biomedical implant, splinter, particulates, or other foreign bodies inhibits full healing" within humans. "Rather than the resorption and reconstruction that occurs in wound healing, the foreign body reaction is characterized by the formation of foreign body giant cells, encapsulation of the foreign object, and chronic inflammation" (UWEB).

If that is what happens with humans, what happens to vampires who are the recipients of breast implants? Logic may rule out predicted paths. I might assume that the vampiric body reacts in a similar way that the human body would, only faster; however, the human body's reaction requires the construction of a new type of cell. Would the vampiric body produce "foreign body giant cells" in a location where they did not previously exist? Truthfully, I have no idea.

Maybe the vampiric body would reject the breast implant, leading to a rather gruesome expulsion of silicone from the chest. But, I would say, that is the risk a vampire would have to take in order to enhance her cup size. So, if a doctor wants to peel back the pallor flesh and flush out the chest with a pair of silicone beanbags, I don't see why the medic should fear. It isn't as if a vampire is likely to sue for malpractice, anyway.

Tata,
Ana

My twitter followers may already know that I am not well-endowed in certain regions, yet I have not felt the need to dabble in cosmetic surgery. It's just not that important to me. Instead of reading this dribble about vampires and breast implants, visit the blog site of gals who are actively raising awareness of breast cancer. It is important to them.

Talamaur

Gathered beside the funeral fire, friends of the dead man whisper. Was that noise real, or is imagination playing tricks with their grieving minds? There it is again: an eerie scratching like the talons of a hawk grasping at bare bones. With a vicious growl, the corpse's brother blindly hurls a stone into the dark. Wounded, the darkness shrieks. The obstructed missile thuds to the spongy ground.

As dawn burns the charcoal sky into the ashy grey of morning, the skittish guards examine the dead. Along the ribs of the corpse, a new wound has opened as if by magic. Wailing, the watchers alert their neighbors, who clamor to spew their judgment. In the back of the crowd, a wrinkled woman feebly clutches her arm. She narrows her dark eyes at the brother of the deceased and rubs the swollen strike of his stone weapon. Dread falls heavily upon the crowd, quieting them into a stifled silence. Returning the glare, the distraught relative recalls a threat issued the evening before: On this, the very night of his death, I will feast upon his body.

"Talamaur," he groans. "What power have you gained over my brother?"

"The talamaur was the vampire[-]like creature of the Banks Islands in the South Pacific... described as a soul or tarunga," this creature "went out and ate the soul or life still lingering around the body of the corpse of a recently deceased person" (Melton 664).

"R.H. Codrington, the main source of information on the creature," reported one woman who "bragged that she would visit and eat the corpse" of each dead neighbor on the evening of his death (Melton 665). Individuals such as this woman are regarded as mediums "who possess the ability to speak with the dead" (Codrington 275). Codrington explains that the people of the Banks' Islands believe "in the existence of a power like that of Vampires. A man or woman would obtain this power out of a morbid desire for communion with some ghost, and to gain it would steal and eat a morsel of a corpse. The ghost then of the dead man would join in a close friendship with the person who had eaten, and would" afflict anyone "against whom his ghostly power might be directed" (Codrington 222). "If people in the village felt afflicted" or if they "developed a sense of dread in the presence of one of their neighbors, that neighbor would be suspected of being a talamaur" (Melton 664).

"To be a Talamaur is not a crime, and some even advertise this service in order to make a living. However, being a Talamaur is risky because whenever something unlucky or disastrous occurs in a villagers the Talamaur is generally blamed, fairly or not, which results in the somewhat traditional throng of angry villagers with torches and pitchforks...Those Talamuar who work for the good of their fellow men are in the minority, however, and the darker-natured ones use this otherworldly ability to contact the dead in order to control them and enslave them, using these servant ghosts to do all manner of mischief" (Maberry 275).

Read about another fiend in this region.

Mbae mi lukem yufala,
Ana


Sources:
MELTON, J. Gordon. The Vampire Book.
MABERRY, Jonathan. Vampire Universe
CODRINGTON, Robert Henry. The Melanesians

Full Moon

"As the moonbeams, in consequence of the luminary rising higher and higher in the heavens, came to touch the figure that lay extended on the rising ground, a perceptible movement took place in it. The limbs appeared to tremble, and although it did not rise up, the whole body gave signs of vitality" (Rymer, chapter 5).

In the early vampire fictions, the moon called the vampire from the ground and restored animation to its corpse. "Because the vampire is a nocturnal creature," it was expected to have "special relationship to the moon" (Melton 469). Moonbeams contained restorative powers, and the magic salve of lunar light healed all wounds.

In John Polidori's story The Vampyre (c.1819), "the vampire was killed in the course of the story" (Melton 469). After the "first cold ray of the moon that rose after his death" struck his body, the vampire revived (Polidori).

James Malcolm Rymer built vampiric healing on the same principle as Polidori in Varney the Vampyre (alternatively attributed to Jonathan Preskett Prest; published 1845-47). In this penny dreadful (a pulp-fiction story that was published as a series of short articles), the moon is so pivotal to healing that vampires "always endeavor to make their feast of blood, for the revival of their bodily powers, on some evening immediately preceding a full moon, because if any accident befalls them, such as being shot, or otherwise killed or wounded, they can recover by lying down somewhere where the full moon's rays will fall upon them" (Rymer, chapter 4).

Your logical question is: Does it work? And, for that I say: Bah. I've never been the type to howl at the moon imploring it to save me from my ailments. Full moon equates more light than normal, and superior luminescence encourages humans to risk nocturnal strolls. I harbor no ill-will against the moon goddess, but I'll leave the lunar worship to the wolves.

After Bram Stoker associated the moon with Dracula's "command over the wolves", "the moon became much more associated with werewolves" than with vampires in fiction (Melton 469).

Salud y vida,
Ana

Sources:
Melton, J. The Vampire Book.
Polidori, John. The Vampyre.
Rymer, James Malcolm. Varney the Vampire.

Scholomance

What do Harry Potter and Dracula have in common? For starters, they both attended wizardry school.

Dracula learned the secrets of nature and magic at the Scholomance, an occult school that is described to lay nestled "amongst the mountains over Lake Hermannstadt, where the devil claims" every "tenth scholar as his due" (Stoker 383).

"In the novel Dracula...Dr. Van Helsing says that Count Dracula...studied at a school run by the devil himself known as Scholomance" (Stevenson 4). The "Scholomance was an occult school situated in a labyrinth of underground caves where men would make a pact with the devil to gain occult knowledge" (Ramsland 19). The headmaster was paid with the flesh and soul of one pupil who would become a servant to his evil ways. This sinister school remains "hidden at an unknown location variously said to be located in the mountains, the underground, or the other world" (Melton 604).

The scholomance reference in Stoker's Dracula "is important because it associates Dracula, hence Slavic vampires, with witchcraft and Satan, as well as with occult philosophical learning...In her papers, folklore researcher Emily de Laszowska-Gerard talks about the Scholomance as a school where people learned 'the secrets of nature, the language of animals, and all magic spells,' as taught by the devil" (Ramsland 20).

"Very little is known of the" origins of the "Scholomance legend. Bram Stoker read about it in a book about Transylvania called Land Beyond the Forest (1888) by Emily Gerard." Some scholars suggest that Gerard misunderstood the term 'Solomonari' as "spoken by a local with a German accent." Was this a case of a foreigner miserably failing to grasp the clear diction of the local region? Perhaps...If the assertion is true, 'scholomance' "is a misnomer." Its appearance "in no other known source, nor in Romanian folklore" leads me to believe that the fantastical label was conjured by the befuddled mind of Gerard (Ramsland 19-20).

Regardless, some society of magical tradition existed, and from the mists of enchantment surrounding the magic men, Gerard spun her article. "Traditional Romanian society recognized the existence of solomonari, or wise ones, considered successors of the biblical King Solomon and bearers of his wisdom...The solomonari were basically wizards whose primary ability was affecting the weather, which they accomplish[ed] through their power over the balauri, or dragons. By riding the dragon in the sky they [brought] rain or drought. The solomonari were thus the Romanian equivalent to shaman" (Melton 603).

A solomonari is recognized as a "large person with red eyes," [possibly permanently swollen from ceaseless studying for the impossible final exam] "and red hair and a wrinkled forehead. He will wear white clothes and will arrive in a village as a wandering beggar. Around his neck will be the 'bag of the solomonari' in which he keeps his magical instruments, including an iron ax (to break up the sky ice thus producing hailstones), a bridle shaped from birch used to capture the dragon, his magical 'book' from which he 'reads' the charms used to master the dragons" (604).

"Legend has it that the Scholomance would admit students ten at a time", and that some of these would become solomonari. "Upon acquisition of the devilish insight" nine would be freed from apprenticeship and one would be retained by the Devil as payment (Leatherdale 107). The students' "final examination involved copying all that they knew about humanity into the Solomonar's book" (Ramsland 20). "Students received their own 'book' at the end of their training, described as a stone talisman with nine mysterious letters in it. In any given situation, the solomonari concentrates on the book, and from it discerns what he should do" (Melton 604). Once initiated, they become full-fledged alchemists with the power to maintain the balance of nature and to preserve order" (Ramsland 20). Stoker's Dracula boasted such powers. Mina Harker writes in her journal, "he can, within his range, direct the elements, the storm, the fog, the thunder, he can command all the meaner things, the rat, and the owl, and the bat, the moth, and the fox, and the wolf, he can grow and become small, and he can at times vanish and become unknown" (Stoker).

Pa,
Ana

Sources:
Leatherdale, Clive. Dracula: the novel & the legend
Melton. The Vampire Book.
Ramsland, Katherine M. The Science of Vampires.
Stevenson, Jay. The Complete Idiot's Guide to Vampires.
Stoker. Dracula.