Green Vampires

Why don't vampires obsess about climate change, global warming, or whatever you're calling it now? If someone is going to fret about the future of the planet, shouldn't it be the creatures who will witness its demise?

Well, it's not that I don't care. It's that I have absolute faith that you can handle this on your own. (I don't say things like that often, so there must be a catch.) Once everyone feels the threat of extinction, technology will suddenly offer a way out of the dilemma. Panicked people will scrabble against each other for self-preservation. From the maelstrom of competition, a solution will emerge. Humans are creative creatures, even if they are dim-witted and slow to act.

In the meantime, I will continue not living my green lifestyle. Anyway, I have a comparatively low carbon footprint. Don't believe me? Consider this:

I'm comfortable in low-level lighting, so other than powering my laptop and charging my phone, I use very little electricity. Along the same lines, I don't feel the need to power the energy-draining appliances in my home: the refrigerator, the stove, the dishwasher. Who needs those? Mine are unplugged.

I rent an apartment. That's an Earth-friendly residence, and it has the added bonus of discouraging angry mobs with burning torches and pitchforks. Speaking of which, put out those torches! Don't you know better than to start unnecessary fires? You're trying to kill yourself with smoke, aren't you?

Moving on: I have the tendency to reuse items instead of dispose of them. Why? Well, I remember when raw materials were hard to find and everything was handcrafted. Along that same line, I don't need an automobile. I existed years-upon-years without one. It's true: I don't fly like the vampires of certain stories. If I did, then I would certainly win a prize for green traveling.

Finally, I consume one of the biggest threats to the Earth, and the best part is that I don't need to cultivate my food. My food source grows wild. It's free-range, and I prefer it to be pesticide-free. Furthermore, I almost always shop locally for my dinners.

Pirkano oka yan,
Ana