24 March 2010

Vampire brides

While sloshing through chilly rain in search for a convenient bite, a thought occurred to me. It's spring. Do you know what spring brings? No, not flowers...It brings bloody brides in white dresses.

Spring is the season for weddings; although, I can't imagine why. Let's face it: if you wanted to get your pretty dress all muddy, then you should have just married your beau in a pig farm and not waited for the April showers...or in this case, March showers.

But, who am I to judge? Weddings aren't my specialty...which is kinda my point. In recent vampire fiction, including film productions, vampire brides are a common motif. Dracula, by Bram Stoker, is cited as the source for such characters, but are the enchanting women his wives, his pets, or his daughters? You draw your conclusions; I'll draw mine.

The harem of women, who swoon over Dracula, drags behind it the notion of immortal romance and relative fidelity. Edward pines over Bella, anguishing about choosing between his solitude and her damnation. "What choice have I?" he asks. "I cannot be without you, but I will not destroy your soul."

He hardly needs to worry about her soul, according to John Melton, who says that the "idea of the vampire brides emphasized the sexual nature of the vampire's relationship to his victims. The vampire attacked his victims and then tied them to him in a slavelike structure in which love played little or no part." And, fidelity?--Forget it!

I'm not saying that I agree with Melton, but his notion puts to rest the idea of trading an eternal soul for an eternal body. Romance is not part of the equation in his interpretation. How could it be? Would you love someone if they nagged you for hundreds of years?

Look at an old couple. More often than not, they're at each others throats. And, that idiom becomes literal if translated into an eternal, vampire relationship.

So, if you're dreaming of a white wedding, then take my advice and schedule it for noon on June 21st. Leave O-neg off the menu, and let your dinner guests choose between chicken or fish.

Until death do us part,

...Go ahead and ask. I know you want to.
"What about Lucius?" Eh...

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